Silence and the Speaker, part II

While I am not at liberty to share the confines
That led me to this half-true need for a confession
I can say that charges in the address of emotional and
Physical disposition were made, against my own wishes
Against my own will, and yet that does not cure
The need for my conscience to come about full circle
And clearly see without distraction
Where the limitations of modern medicine
And the assistance of those around me
Could manage to contain, or apply a virus
To diminish the urges that blindly led me to them
At best I can hope God will allow me to be an willing witness
Of such living conditions and the extremes they must go through
But perhaps I too easily allow myself to hate my own actions
Where I should hate the system, I did try to intervene once
The entire plan backfired and I only ended up tied and captured
And abused like I was an evil man where I was not an evil man
A mark that has stayed with me forever
This I would also like to witness against, God, if you are there
Please be there. Please stop this from continuing every day.
Please intervene and prevent this where I was once innocent
And corrupted by the separation of my mind and my body
And the chemicals that did not measure either one
Very well. Who could I take this story to?
Who would really understand, but you, being able to see
I am telling the truth, you, God, knowing the true intentions
Of my heart, there is no one else who could hope to See.
The silence and the speaker. I will never be free.
In truth, my heart does not make the distinction.
Though I never harmed a soul, the indirect harm of my presence
Perpetuated the trade of a corrupt system I have no power
To contend with or intervene or prevent for others.

See Part I. This was already written about here, Memo: My Witnessing of the United States and this poem Without Homes and Dressings